The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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