plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
