Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
