the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
