you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
