Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
