I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
