Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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