Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
