ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
