she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
