I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I didn't notice because vodka
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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