sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
