You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
