there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
