I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize