I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
two words...techno handjob
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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