It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize