she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
