Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
