worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
whose ass print is on the piano?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
