Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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