there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
