I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Is Oprah even human
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
