i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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