just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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