these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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