Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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