If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so let's talk penis.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
