woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
