We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
