You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
