When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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