lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
