When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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