I love black thongs
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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