All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
