he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
