Everything about him screamed your future.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
