Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
