remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
