i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize