both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
