I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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