maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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