Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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