pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
