so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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