we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Enjoy the penises
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
