It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
and she was petting her beer can
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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