apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
