ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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