If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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