And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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