I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
