So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
