i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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