I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
