Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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