You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
